Kisses, Misses and Reminisces
by sweeteggyroll
Summary: Edd's a freaking stalker, and Eddy wants a love potion, and Ed is... well, Ed. Edd/Eddy Slash
1. Chapter 1

*beep beep beep beep beep*

"Oh," Edd mumbled quietly to himself as he leaned against a locker, "he's on the move."

In his hands was a device which beeped whenever a small red dot moved more than five squares on the grid. At first glance, it looked like just that- a grid with a speck of red light on it- but to Eddward it was more than just a red light. It was a target.

His thumb ran over the volume control as he turned the beeping down a few notches… nobody else in the hallways needed to know what was going on.

"Hey, Double Dee, what's goin' on??" Ed popped around the corner of the locker, causing Edd to flinch and nearly drop his expensive device. For the sake of Science, the boy flailed to keep it from falling, as he had just perfected the wiring that morning.

"Please, Ed," he shushed, keeping his voice low as his eyes fixated on the red dot again; "I'm trying to concentrate."

"What IS that thing?" Ed loomed over the smaller boy, excited to see some new gadget he had brought to school, "OHH! It looks like the mutant-seeker that the fugitives used in Submarine of Hades before getting gulped down into the belly of Neptune."

"It's a tracking device, Ed." Edd happily corrected his friend before pausing, realizing that it may have been best to keep that a secret. Before he could think of something to cover up the slip, Ed asked him:

"What are you tracking? Mutants?"

"Um," He started to sweat, "Well, no… Uh, birds! Err… strange migrations they're having this year, yes indeed-y."

"What kinda birds?"

The word "chickens" almost slipped through his lips, but he refrained, as it probably would have been a bad idea. He also considered "seagulls," but that may also further spark his friend's interest. "P-pidgeons." Oh, what, Eddward?? Pidgeons don't migrate! Edd warily observed his friend, hoping Ed wasn't aware of such a fact.

Ed remained silent for a few seconds, apparently thinking about what his buddy said, and then replied; "Like, for Eddy's scam?"

Edd sighed in relief. He had forgotten how Eddy constantly used the term "pidgeons" to describe the victims of his nefarious scams. "R-right, Ed! Pidgeons!"

"Oh look!" Ed exclaimed, thrusting a finger towards the flashing red dot on the grid, "there's one right above us!"

"Geh!" The back of Edd's sock-covered head hit the locker door as he fumbled to hide the tracking device behind his back when he realized Eddy was standing right beside them.

Eddy's curiosity was instantly piqued.

"What'cha got there?" He leaned in, trying to see behind Edd's back, "C'mon Double Dee, show me the goods!"

"Um, err," He stuttered, his hands shaking against the device as his fingers fumbled with a small latch on the back. A couple of batteries dropped into his hand and he quickly shoved them in his shorts pocket. "Ah, this stubborn contraption," he said nervously, giving in as he revealed the hidden object behind him. He gently tapped it with his wrist a few times, feigning disappointment, "hasn't been working for me lately."

"But, Double Dee," Ed interjected, "it was working just a minute ago…"

"Well, no, Ed, you see," a bead of sweat trailed down from beneath his hat, "pidgeons travel in flocks, correct? There would be more than one dot if there was a flock above us."

"Pidgeons?" Eddy was thoroughly confused… but then he jumped in place as if he were reminded of something of great importance. "AH! The scam!" He scrambled to pull out a crumpled piece of notebook paper from his pocket and quickly flatten it out against the locker, "I thought of this during P.E. Check it out!"

Edd held the wrinkled piece of paper in his free hand as he squinted to read the print. "Your shoddy handwriting is hardly legible, Eddy, I don't-… Love potion?" He peered disbelievingly over the top of the paper at a rather excited Eddy, "You're kidding, right?"

"NO WAY, DOUBLE DEE!" He shrieked loudly, despite their close proximity, "People buy all SORTS of crap on valentine's day; chocolate, flowers, cards… all sorts of cheap crap we can sell- it's so freaking easy! People are such suckers for that lovey-dovey junk."

"Lovey-dovey!" Ed cried out happily, suddenly wrapping his arms around Eddy in a tight embrace, "Happy Valentine's Day, Eddy! Huhuh… I forgot it was already April 1st."

The shorter boy glared at his tall friend with great intensity. "First off, wrong date Lumpy. Second… GET OFFA ME!" Eddy growled, struggling to slip out of Ed's grip, his small legs flailing above the floor helplessly.

"Oh but Eddy, love is all I have to give!" Ed replied, having nothing but his arms to offer on a day commonly known for its materialistic exchange. "And it's free."

"SSH." Eddy suddenly seemed to forget that he was in Ed's arms as he suddenly slapped a hand over his buddy's mouth. "Don't you DARE say that again. Love is NOT free; not until *I* am done with my scam."

"Ohoho," Ed chuckled knowingly against Eddy's palm. "Mum's the word, Eddy."

"Well," Edd started to say as he neatly folding the crumpled paper in half, and then half again, "I must say I'm rather disgusted to see you attempt to turn something as pure and innocent as the feelings of amore against the innocent for your own monetary gain. I won't help."

"But Double Dee!" Eddy exclaimed, somehow easily bolting out of Ed's grip to be right beside his disgusted friend in an instant, "It's the *perfect* scam!"

"I'm sorry, Eddy." Edd heaved a sigh of disappointment as he walked away, the powerless invention rattling against the books in his bookbag as he journeyed down the hallway alone.

Eddy watched him walk away for a few minutes… until he ran after him, "Look Sockhead, I don't got time for you to be all wishy-washy over this; we can only do it TODAY," after catching up to Edd, he grabbed his shoulder assertively, "nobody's gonna wanna buy chocolate and flowers n' stuff *after* valentine's day!"

"Ooo, you are trying my patience, mister." Edd turned around, removing the hand from his shoulder. He seemed to be very upset for some reason that Eddy couldn't identify.

"What…" Eddy looked confused for a second…

…But then grinned mischievously.

"So ya didn't get a valentine this year, didja."

Edd's eyes suddenly flared with annoyance, and he huffed loudly as he turned around again, his short friend in tow behind him as he stomped down the hallway.

"Man, that's hilarious! I got *two* valentines~ Heck, I think even ED got a valentine this year! So what'd ya have to do to be such a chick repellant this year; forget to floss after lunch? Oh no! AHahahaha!"

"I'm glad you think this is FUNNY, EDDY," Edd growled, stopping for the second time and stuffing his hands into his pockets, only to pull out two handfuls of valentines cards and throw them at his arrogant friend. The pink and red papers littered the floor below as Eddy, now baffled, stared at Edd with a newfound respect for the guy. "You… Oh YOU callous jackass!"

His eyes suddenly darted to two discarded batteries rolling along the floor and he hastily picked them up and shoved them back into his pockets. "I… apologize. That was rude of me, um...." He then steadily kneeled down and started picking up the valentines one-by-one, "Messy, messy, messy… where has my head been lately, Eddy? I tell you… I don't believe I've ever gotten so worked up over trivial things such as… well, silly emotions."

Eddy was staring down at his litter-conscious friend, wondering if they had just entered some kinda twilight zone. He wasn't sure what to say; the guy went from chill to pissed in a matter of minutes. Obviously he had struck a chord… Eddy grinned nervously as his foot kicked a few frilly-colored papers towards his friend's reach as he shoved his hands in his pockets, "Never heard ya cuss before, heh."

"Y-yes, well…" Edd blushed a little, realization dawning on him that he had actually sweared and abused the English language which he loved so dearly, "It slipped out."

Ed appeared from behind Eddy with exactly seven pigeons in his arms, all of them squirming and flapping erratically as he pushed past his friend and knelt in front of Edd, "Don't be mad, Double Dee! Here, plenty of pigeons for Eddy's lovey-dovey scam."

"Ed!" Edd exclaimed, backing away and stumbling to stand up, "My, those birds are filthy!"

"Any of 'em got a quarter in its mouth?" Eddy growled, examining each bird in Ed's arms, "Cuz it's mine."

Ed suddenly laughed and ran for the door in a flurry of frantic feathers, "No way, Eddy, finders keepers!"

"Why you little-" Eddy took off after him.

Now in a bit of solitude, Edd pulled the small contraption out of his bookbag and replaced the batteries; it beeped to life again, and he could hear the faint beeping noises as someone ran in circles around a large cluster of squares on his grid-like map. With a cautious look over his shoulder, he muted the device and carefully placed it in his pocket.

"Eddy?" He asked uneasily, seeing his friends roughhouse down the stairs outside the front door of the school. Edd ran to the doors just in time to see the small flock of pigeons fly away, leaving a cloud of dust and feathers swirling around Eddy and Ed.

The shorter, fatter one turned at the distant sound of his name being called and raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Look, Double Dee, there they go! They're migrating!" Ed grinned, and then looked to Eddy and asked, "You think they'll get all the way to Mexico? OH! Double DEE, turn on your mutant-radar-tracker!"

Edd was about to say something to Eddy, but his attention was shifted to Ed, and his hand automatically rested on his pocket defensively, "Oh, well, it's not working very well at the moment, uhm… Anyway, Eddy, could you-"

"What're ya… trackin' pigeons?" Eddy glared at his friend judgmentally, waiting for an answer.

Edd flinched.

"It's for a project!"

"What project?"

A cheeky grin appeared on his face as Edd said, "One from an AP class." He was, of course, referring to a class of higher academics; one that he and Eddy did not share.

Eddy growled. It was bad enough he was failing a few grades, but to get it rubbed in… "Well whatddya want, an award? Or did ya just figure out you're nerdier than me?"

Edd pursed his lips, offended, and crossed his arms, "What I *want* is an after-school meeting to discuss the dynamics of your plan! I'll help with your scam; however… a few minor details are subject to debate."

~*

Author's Notes: This is extremely short... I apologize. I haven't written in a long time and I'm trying so hard to get the groove back. I'm going to have to write the Kankers in the next chapter, and I'm already skurred. It's different than the way I usually write, but I want it to be light and humorous, like the actual show, but it's hard because I've barely been getting any sleep lately... there's so much on my plate right now, but I don't want to turn away from art and writing... Anyway, I hope you enjoyed what I have so far; I'll try to write the next chapter asap... *yawn*


	2. Chapter 2

Oh what little time they had… Edd was writing in a notebook and walking at the same time, sometimes swerving a little off-course and almost bumping into the side of the hallway. Other kids walked past him, ignoring the seemingly blind sockhead. His reputation in the school had accumulated something infamous yet admired at the same time for having the best grades and awards, yet hanging out with the nefarious crowd. Kids knew, however, that when Edd was thinking, something big was happening in that complex, genius brain of his, so they tended to avoid him as much as possible as he made a beeline to the lunchroom.

The only kids who made it a point NOT to avoid him were the Kanker Sisters. Well, two of them, anyway.

"Heeey boyfriend," Marie stepped directly in front of his path, resulting in a crash that sent her back a few inches and Edd fell to the floor, dropping his notebook.

"What's this?" Lee grabbed the book and kicked the pen with her foot into her hand. "Love potion? Check it out, Marie! Our men are tryna make us fall in love wit'em. Ain't they precious?"

"Lemme see!" Marie yanked the notebook out of her sister's hand as a slightly disoriented Edd climbed to his feet.

"Ladies, please!" He begged, reaching for his notes, "That's personal property!"

"Hold your horses, pumpkinface," Marie ordered, turning her back to the boy and continuing to read.

Lee grabbed hold of his sweater, jerking him away from the blue-haired girl to glare down at him as she brought her fist closer to her face, "Where's Ed n' Eddy? I wanna give my man a Valentine."

"Um," Edd mumbled nervously, starting to sweat a little, "I believe he said he was going to skip lunch today."

"WHAT? I HATE when they do that! That's it, I'm tellin' a teacher."

"No, Lee!" Edd squeaked, grabbing onto her wrist to stop the girl.

She slowly turned, and beneath her thick bangs and heavy brow, even though her eyes were behind a shield of bulky red hair, Edd could feel the cold hatred emanating from the glare she gave him. Lee was frozen in place, fists clenched in warning as she waited for an excuse.

After gulping down his fear and lowering his shaking hand, Edd continued, "That is… I wouldn't mind giving him your valentine for you, Lee."

The redhead contemplated his offer, fingers resting on her chin as she stared off into space. If the wimpy one gave Eddy her valentine, he'd be more likely to actually take it, and maybe read it, but then again she wouldn't be there to *force* him to read it. However, even if she told anyone about Eddy skipping lunch (again) there still wasn't as good of a chance she'd be able to give him her valentine before the end of the day.

"Alright." She grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly in her strong grip, "Ya got a deal! But-" She trailed off.

"Y-yes?"

"Here," she grunted, thrusting the large, perfumed heart into his chest. It was somewhat sticky for some reason so it just stuck there… "You gotta kiss him too or the deal's off."

That seemed to instantly break Marie's train of thought, and she dropped the notebook to the floor, "KISS?" She spun to face her sister, "Double Dee's not gonna kiss nobody else but me, Lee!"

"Can it, Marie! It don't count if it's another man!"

"I don't see how physical affection is necessary between me and…"

"It ain't!"

"It's part of the freaking poem, ya numbskulls!" Lee pointed out, peeling the valentine off of Edd's sweater and jabbing a finger at the end of the verse. Edd read aloud, squinting to read the… why, it was almost as illegible as Eddy's terrible handwriting.

"Eddy baby, you're so cute; too bad some kids think you're a fruit; but I like you, so I made dis; so much, in fact, I'd give ya a—" He paused at the unfinished sentence, and then a little smile appeared on Edd's lips, "Oh, "a kiss", correct? I get it. So, then I...err-! What am I saying? I can't do something like that!"

Lee frowned, "Fine then. I'll just tell a teach; Eddy can just get detention today."

"But," Edd paled a little, "the scam..." he choked on his words as Marie closed in on him.

"What scam?"

Words hardly discernable escaped Edd as flurries of excuses trailed through his brain. He wasn't sure who, exactly, Eddy was planning on scamming with this "love potion" scheme of his, but perhaps it was better off that nobody else knew at all.

However, if Eddy and Ed had detention after school for straying off of the school grounds, they wouldn't be able to pull the scam together before curfew…

"F-f-fine," He stammered, not fully comprehending the task he would commit to, he grabbed the valentine from Lee, "I'll… do it."

"Ugh!" Marie backed off a little, unable to believe that *her* man just agreed to do something so… so-…! "I can't believe you!"

"It's not a big deal," Edd convinced quietly, slowly picking up his notebook and retreating towards the lunchroom doors, "physical contact between two people; it's relatively harmless and virtually meaningless if you think about it, heheh. I'm sure Eddy wouldn't really care." They had kissed before, even, and it wasn't a big deal back then. It wouldn't be a big deal now… right?

"He's in denial." May was suddenly beside her two sisters, also watching Edd slink backwards into the cafeteria.

As Marie started to fume at the accusation, Lee smacked her blonde sister's shoulder, "Where ya been, May? They got lambchops on the line today; ya love lambchops don'tcha?"

Edd slowly chewed the odd-tasting meat that he'd gotten from the cafeteria as he sat alone at an empty table. Under normal circumstances, he wouldn't eat in the lunchroom at all whenever his friends skipped Lunch period; he preferred sneaking into the library and waiting it out with his own bagged lunch. The only problem was, he hadn't taken his lunch today because his mother had made it for him… and she left a rather embarrassing note scribbled on the paper bag in an attempt to encourage him. …It was rather inappropriate anyway; he always made his own lunch. However, he assumed she was in such a good mood because she and Father were going to be out all night. Adults were strange.

No, he decided, his eyes resting on the sticky valentine that had stuck to the top of the table; Girls were strange.

He set down the… whatever it was, and decided to check the radar. After a quick glance around the cafeteria, Edd pulled the small metal object out of his pocket, slipping over the button that turned it on, and suddenly heard a flurry of high-pitched beeps singing through the small speaker. He jumped in place and looked around, suddenly face-to-face with Eddy.

"E-E-Eddy!" He squeaked, shrinking back as he stuffed the remote in his pocket, "I thought you were skipping lunch today!"

His friend stood there in silent observance, his eyes flickering down to the pocket where Edd had stuffed something, where there was a plethora of strange beeping noises that sounded like they were coming out of his butt. In the still moment of awkwardness, Edd carefully reached in and flipped the switch again, turning the device off and silencing the beeps… Raising an eyebrow, Eddy was about to ask about it when Ed plopped down between them and started feasting on Edd's food. Edd was pretty insistent on changing the subject as he greeted Ed and asked him politely why he was eating his portion of nourishment for the afternoon, while Eddy persisted to know what was going on just now.

"Why's yer butt beeping?" He asked, plopping down next to Ed as he stared at Edd disbelievingly. "More pigeons?"

Edd started to sweat… if Eddy hadn't figured it out by now, how long would it take before he would? Best to think of something to prevent such a thing now before it was too late… "Er, well," he said, his back straightening as he thought of an excuse, "It's really quite unstable, you see; as a new invention there's… really no telling what it will-"

"Oh!" Suddenly Edd felt himself come to a halt as he was interrupted by Ed, who had apparently stopped eating and was admiring the shoddy red heart plastered onto the table, "You got another valentine, Double Dee! Can I read it?"

But just as Ed was about to turn it over, Edd made a noise of protest and fumbled to grab at his hand. "N-no Ed, that's not necessary, I'll just-" As a desperate attempt, Edd ripped the valentine off of the table and held it to his chest, where the glue stuck to his vest quite noticeably. He awkwardly glanced downward before peeling it off and shoving it into his rucksack, all the while getting strange glances from his friends.

"Aw… C'mon Double Dee-"

"I wanna read it!" Eddy jumped at the chance, snatching at Edd's bag as the thinner boy heaved it away from his grasp with the most worried expression on his face.

"You can't!" he sputtered, clinging the bag to his chest as if his life depended on it, "It's _not_ yours!"

Eddy's excited grin faltered, his fingers still twitching as he anticipated ripping open that bag and seeing what was inside. Edd could tell that he was disappointed and even a smidge confused at why he was putting up such a fight. "This morning you were throwin' 'em at me but now I can't see this ONE? What's up with that?"

"Th-this…" Edd felt himself warm up, hoping to dear god he wasn't blushing. "This is a special one, if you must know. Um! Actually," he glanced over to the door, nervously looking for an easy way out of this confrontation, "I must take leave. There's a class on the other side of the-"

"You can't go now, Double Dee!" Ed clasped onto Edd's waist, holding him against his will near the table and he clung to the boy from his own seat, "We wanna see the valentine!"

"Yeah, hold 'im Ed!" Eddy climbed onto the seat and then jumped onto Ed's back as he grabbed at the bag Edd was holding onto for dear life. "I gotta know what all the fuss is about!"

"G-gentlemen!" Edd shrieked, trying to shimmy out of Ed's grasp as he felt his bag being grabbed at by Eddy, "This is HIGHLY inappropriate! N-No Eddy! It's confidential! Private! PERSONAL!"

"Yeah right!" Eddy growled, fisting through the open material as he reached around inside for the valentine, "What's so great about this chick? Who is it! GAH!"

Suddenly Eddy fell to the top of the table, falling butt-first into a heap of potato salad as he held his finger in pain. It was red, swollen and throbbing, blood rushing to where he had been pricked at the fingertip. Edd could only assume he'd met his match with a loose pen or something as he smirked and clutched his bag closer, the contents now safe from anyone else's eyes but his own. "Serves you right, Eddy… Eddy?"

He gingerly swallowed and joined Ed in looking over Eddy's crippled form, who hadn't even noticed he'd stained his pants as he sucked on the end of his finger, looking up angrily at his friend as his eyes glassed over. Edd frowned, knowing that sometimes the tiniest prick could mean a lot of pain, and suddenly he felt like a jerk for thinking his best friend deserved it. "Are you alright?"

"I just wanted to see, Double Dee," he said quietly, innocently enough to make Ed glare at their sock-headed friend.

"Well, you- I…" Edd stumbled with his words, shying away from Ed as he sat down at the table, looking over the swelling as Eddy took it out of his mouth with a quivering lip. He winced and slowly looked down, opening his bag to reach for his emergency kit. "I have some first aid in my-"

"AHHA!" Eddy suddenly lurched forward and snatched the first glimpse of red he saw, pulling the valentine out of the bag and earning a shocked, protesting shriek from his friend in the process, "Yer sucha sap, Double Dee!" Eddy slid along the table, away from Edd, skidding along a trail of potato salad as he chuckled deviously and waved it at him.

Edd, completely flustered, scrambled to his feet and climbed onto the table without thinking, crawling after his friend and reaching for the valentine. He started to slip over the mayonnaise and chunks of potato that had been squashed all over the surface, catching himself before swinging his frail little arms to grab the red heart, blubbering angrily at his friend for taking advantage of him, "OH YOU! How _dare_ you deceive me in such a manner! You're nothing but a egomaniacal, perfidious-"

"Boyfriend!"

Suddenly the three looked towards the exit of the lunchroom where the Kankers stood, arms folded and devious expressions etched all over their faces, Lee looking particularly irked that she had been lied to...

Author note: The potato-salad and library thing are kinda a shout-out to my favoritest person ever.


End file.
